40 & Single - The Reality

Sometimes in the church I feel like I am looked upon as lesser, because I do not have a husband or children.  But other times I am esteemed like many other single missionary ladies of the past and present.  I would have to say that I am happy with my life and singleness about 80% of the time.  However, I do not believe that married women are happy with their lives 100% of the time either.  It probably works out about the same.

[caption id="attachment_139" align="alignright" width="183"] Singleness is a not a state of mind[/caption]

The single journey really began for me, when one night at a Bible study with 4 of my favorite girl friends, we committed to becoming the Godly Women, that would be ready to meet that special man, when the time came.  For me that was in my early thirties.

Little did I know as I undertook trying to discern and live a life that would lead me to that goal, that I would end up as a missionary.  In my life missionaries were those old guys in fat ties, (when skinny ties were popular) who showed slides and told stories of people very far away.  How could that possibly be relevant to me?  Kind of the same way I wondered how the verse that talks about never eating food offered to idols worked in day-to-day life.

But when I was 34 I read Jeremiah 33:3, which says, “call out to me and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.”  It is so very true.  Here I am nearly fourteen years later, living in Cambodia, being fairly confident of the fact that if I had married, I would never have found my way here. This has been the greatest adventure of my life.

The hardest thing to do was to let go of finding a husband and trust that to God and his timing.  Sure there are times when I have been lonely, and wished someone was there to walk with me on a day-by-day basis.  But it is in those times God, has proved his faithfulness. I always think about the song, In the Garden, which starts like this:

I come to the garden alone


While the dew is still on the roses


And the voice I hear falling on my ear


The Son of God discloses.

 

And He walks with me,

And He talks with me,


And He tells me I am His own;


And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known.

 

As I look forward and listen for God’s voice, I wonder what mystery he will unravel, where this journey will take us next.  Singleness is a box on a form, not a state of mind.

I have always depended on the kindness of strangers

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” Is a famous quote from the Tennessee Williams play A Streetcar Named Desire.

After a day in yesterday, where I got plenty of rest and reading accomplished, I needed to get out.  I seem to write better at coffee shops.  Which is a real misnomer, considering I am a tea drinker or connoisseur, as I like to call myself.  Here in Cambodia the choices are limited, so I typically stick with English Breakfast when I want a black tea.

This morning I went to one of my favorite spots Spinellis and placed my order only to be told that they are out of English Breakfast tea.  What?  I thought. The delightful girl behind the counter made me aware of the alternatives.  None of which was sounding good.

[caption id="attachment_134" align="alignright" width="266"] English Breakfast tea @ Spinellis[/caption]

(Which made me want to hire her for my restaurant, because this is a rare quality in a Cambodian employee)

So, I was just kind of standing there, when a man walked up and gave me an individually wrapped English Breakfast tea bag.  I was a bit stunned.  Thanked him and he told me where he purchased them.

I realized that I have stopped depending on the kindness of strangers.  Here in Cambodia, it is a dog eat dog kind of place.  Even in driving you had better be looking out for yourself, because no one else will.

I was blessed by a simple act. Then it dawned on me that not only had I stopped relying on kindness, but I had stopped giving it as well.  As I drank my tea, which I thoroughly enjoyed, I mused on this topic.

My conclusion is, I can only see the world through my perspective, but I can choose to change my behavior, which changes my outlook.  There is lots of talk about worldview, and yes we see the world differently, but if we want the world to be different, it requires action.

Today I was blessed by the kindness of a stranger, and I plan to pay it forward.

When was the last time you did something unexpected for someone else?

Not Wrong Just Different

Recently, I hired a new house helper, after having the last one for nearly 3 years.  It has taken some training and getting used to each other as we find a routine for the days she is here.

[caption id="attachment_131" align="alignright" width="266"] I know what you are thinking it is just different[/caption]

Not too long ago I bought a couple of rugs like this.

After the first day of Serey working, I came home and found all three of the rugs like this.  I know that I have been living here for quite some time because I just laughed and turned them around.

I also knew what she was thinking.  You need the bigger part of the rug to wipe your feet so why would you put that next to the wall where it is hard to use.  Which she confirmed when I asked her.  Actually she was probably thinking foreigners, doesn’t she know that rugs are rectangular?

Today September 12th marks my 13^th year anniversary of being in Cambodia.   If I have learned anything in that time, it is the phrase, “It’s not wrong, just different.”

Being an American it has been a difficult lesson to learn, because I was raised with self-confidence and a work ethic that there is right and wrong.  Yes, there is right and wrong when it comes to morals, laws, etc..   But how the rug is placed on the floor; does it really matter?  Are looks more important than function?

Moving to a new country requires the mindset of a learner.  Things are done here the way my mom taught me.  I have had to be taught and trained like a small child.  If I am not fully vested in the process then, it falls apart really quickly.

It made me think of new Christians.  They come to church so eager and excited, and those of us who have been at this Christian thing for quite some time, can be the biggest killjoys.  They are trying to absorb, learn and grow, when we often want to set them straight.  Why not teach and train them?  They could be the next Billy Graham.

I have to check myself after this many years; I have to remind myself that I still have lots to learn about Cambodia, its culture and people.  I have just as much to learn about Jesus, and how to be in this world and not of this world.

Things around me are not wrong just different, and I need a learner’s attitude to ask the questions and engage the culture so I can function and flourish.  That does not make me a native, but and interested sojourner in this place at this time.

It teaches me lessons; I get to take with me on the journey.  Missions is not a destination it is a journey.

When was the last time you approached something from the attitude of a learner?  Was the result different than when you are sure you know it all?

 

 

Liebster Award

I was recently nominated for The Liebster Award by the author of wheresthescript Chris Bowman.  A friend from Phnom Penh, who now lives in Australia. 

What is that you ask? 
 The Liebster Award is a chance for smaller blogs to promote and endorse other great small blogs!

Here’s the deal: 
My “nomination” came with a list of 11 questions for me to answer. 
Next I choose up to 11 other small blogs to bestow a Liebster upon,
and write a list of 11 questions for them to answer as their own Liebster acceptance.

 

So here are my answers:

1. If you could have dinner with three of your heroes (from anytime in history), who would they be?

The Apostle Paul, Anne Frank & Elizabeth Dole – a woman who made her mark in politics – all the way to running for President

2. What’s your go-to Karaoke track?

The Mamas & The Papas – California Dreamin’

3. What got you blogging in the first place?

If I had not become a missionary where I had to write to stay connected to my supporters and churches I probably would never have realized how much I like writing but I would say my friend Michelle kept encouraging me to do National Write a Novel in a Month and it just naturally followed from there.

4. If you could interview anyone, who would you choose?

That is an easy one – Barbara Streisand.  I think she is amazing – she acts, sings, directs movies, is politically active, even though I don’ t agree with her politics it would make for a great interview

5. What’s the first thing that you think of when you wake up? (For me, its where’s the snooze button and can I reach it?)


         Another day another dollar – it is something my grandpa used to say, and it kind of just stuck with me, and me reminds me of him.

6. What’s your dream job?

This has changed so many times over the years, but right now I would have to say being an Author.  I truly enjoy writing and getting better at my craft, but I love to learn and that is part of that passion, is what fuels the output of writing.

7. If you could live in any point in history, which would you choose?

I know this sounds a bit crazy, but I think WWII Europe – I have always thought I was born on the wrong continent – I should have been European (I love to sit around drinking wine or tea and discuss religion and politics) – I think people rose to the occasion through difficult circumstance to be the best or the worst of humanity.  I often wonder if I would have been heroic or meek and quiet – hopefully the first.

8. Which writer/journalist/blogger has most influenced you as a writer?

Maeve Binchy – She is Irish and she knew people and could describe relationships in a way no one I know does.  But my favorite book is As the Crow Flies by Jeffrey Archer.

9. Why did the chicken cross the road? (Really…I need to know).


         No, idea – I have not often seen chickens run in a straight line, so it was probably on accident as they wandered around.

10. When was the last time you laughed?

While writing the answer to the above question – I love to laugh, and many things strike me as funny and others just look at me, with that questioning look.

11. What blog post of your own are you most proud of and why?

Time Does it Fly or Walk?   It helped me to communicate what has been the biggest change in me since coming to Cambodia.

My Nominations are:

Michelle Knowlden Writes: This is my friend that has been a constant source of encouragement on writing – she writes about mysteries, writing and engineering

My favorite post is : The Teahouse from Dushanbe

 

The Sabbath Journey:  This is a friend from Phnom Penh, who is taking a year sabbatical and is documenting her thoughts.

My favorite post is :  Magic

 

Nominee Questions:

1. What is your favorite season, and activity for that season?


2. If you could interview anyone who would it be and where would you conduct the interview?


3. Which Bible character do you most relate to?


4. What inspires you the most?


5. What places are on your list to visit?


6. What were you like in High School?


7. What/who made you want to write/blog?


8. What is your Dream Job?


9. If you could go back to college, would you change your degree if so to what?


10. What piece of advice would you give a younger you?


11. What is your favorite all time movie?

The Slow Down Challenge

The Slow Down Challenge was the opportunity I needed to step back a bit and decided what is important and what I really want to do.

[singlepic id=1 w=320 h=240 float=right]

Recently I have been memorizing James.  And as everyone is probably aware James 1:2-4 says “Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds. For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing.” 

If you are like me, this is a passage I wish were not in the Bible.  Why? Because it means I am going to have to deal with trials, I do not know about you but I am not usually grateful for trials.

Let me summarize the Slow Down Challenge, it consisted of 5 days and here is the link if you would like to check it out yourself. http://goinswriter.com/slow-down/

Day 1 – Noticing – am I so distracted that I forget to notice the things around me – beauty, sadness, joy, the child enthralled at the ladybug on the leaf.  These are the things that make each day special.

Day 2 – Savor Every Moment – do I rush through meals, or savor the tastes, sights and smells, around me through out the day.

Day 3 – What Really Matters – am I trying to be so productive that I try to multi-task – which is really a way of diluting my focus from the important things.  Focus is needed; but first I must decide what really matters.

Day 4 – Interruptions – they happen whether we want them to or not.  I can embrace them as an opportunity to grow and learn, or I can allow them to ruin my day – Why?  They are a normal part of life.

• They teach us to let go of control.


• They remind us life is not just about “me.”


• They help us become more patient.

Day 5 – Gratitude – say Thank You – it is good practice to be grateful for the small things that make life exciting; a unique journey for each of us.

Now you probably understand why I started with James.  The various trials are part of a complete life.  Life is what we make of it. We have choices.  I am choosing to notice and savor the interruptions.  Because I have decided what really matters; and am grateful for the people and things that teach, support, encourage, challenge and allow this journey called life to be lived one day at a time.

 

Have you thought about trials recently and what they could do for you if you embrace them?